Apologize
by TessaStarDean
Summary: Set directly after the episode on 10.08.07. RyanNatalia.


Ryan returned at the end of the day, his eyes moving quickly as he tried to find Natalia. He didn't like the way things had ended between them earlier, and he wanted to apologize to her, to try and make things right. He still wasn't sure that he had really done anything wrong, but he could tell that he had hurt her. Whether he had been right or wrong, he wanted to make sure that she knew it hadn't been about her.

A smile pulled at his lips as his eyes finally settled on her. She was still in the lab, cleaning up and getting things ready so that she could go home. Leaning against the doorframe, he continued to watch her, silently wondering how long it would take her to notice him.

"Did you want something?" she finally asked, not looking up.

His smile faded at her tone.

"You don't sound too happy to see me."

"That's because I'm not."

"Come on, Natalia. I came here to apologize."

"You know what? I don't want to hear it. Just go."

"You're kidding, right?"

She finally turned to face him.

"No, I'm not, Ryan. You betrayed me. You set me up so that you could make a little extra cash."

His eyes hardened and he took a few steps into the room.

"You know that's not true."

"Do I?" she asked. "Because you sounded pretty desperate for money."

"I would never do that to you, Natalia! When I heard that you left the evidence in your car instead of bringing it straight to the lab –"  
"What? You decided to use my mistake for your own personal gain? I could have lost my job, Ryan!"

"But you didn't."

Her eyes widened in shock as she took a step closer. She looked at him for a moment before her hand lashed out, leaving a stinging red mark on his left cheek. His eyes watered, but not just from the pain of her slap.

"And that's supposed to make it all better!? Ever since you got fired, I've been trying to help you get back. I've done nothing but help you, Ryan. And this is how you repay me? By going behind my back to make an extra buck?"

"Natalia –"

"No, Ryan. Just forget it. And forget about me helping you out. I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you. I thought you were my friend, but I was obviously wrong."

"Please, Natalia –"

"I said get out."

"But –"

"GET OUT, RYAN!" she yelled.

Glancing down at the floor, he frantically searched for something to say that would pacify her, that would make her understand how sorry he was for hurting her. But when he raised his eyes and saw the set of her jaw and the hardness in her face, he knew that nothing he could say would make her forgive him. Nodding and fighting back the emotion that threatened to choke him, he turned and walked out of the room.

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"Hey, Calleigh," Natalia smiled as the other woman walked into the lab.

"Hey," she said quietly, standing across the table.

"Is everything okay? You look a little pale."

"Actually…there's something I need to tell you."

Natalia set down what she was working on and frowned.

"What is it?"

Calleigh took a deep breath.

"There was a shooting last night…down at the harbor."

"Oh my God," she breathed. "Who?"

"Ryan."

Her face fell and tears sprang to her eyes as she looked around the room desperately.

"Is he…I mean…"

"He's at the hospital. He's unconscious. The doctors…they aren't sure he's going to make it, Natalia."

She closed her eyes and tears slid down her cheeks. Calleigh walked around the table and pulled her friend into a tight embrace, trying to give her whatever strength and encouragement she could.

"Eric and I are going to the hospital now," she said when they pulled back. "Do you want to come?"

Not trusting herself to speak, Natalia nodded.

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"What did he say?" Calleigh asked when Eric returned from talking with the doctor.

"If Ryan wakes up, he should make a full recovery?"

"If?" Natalia asked, her voice breaking.

Eric looked down at the floor, trying to keep his voice steady.

"He said there's less than a fifty percent chance that he'll wake up."

A strangled sob escaped her lips. Without hesitation, Eric got up and moved across the corridor, taking a seat next to her and wrapping his arms around her. She buries her face in his shirt, letting her tears overcome her, her shoulders shaking with the force of her cries. Eric just held her tightly and rocked her, whispering soothing words into her ear.

"You should go sit with him," he finally told her when she had quieted.

Natalia shook her head.

"I can't," she whispered. "The things I said to him…I hit him, Eric…"

"That doesn't matter now. He'll want to see you when he wakes up."  
"I can't," she repeated.

"Natalia," Calleigh said softly, kneeling in front of her friend. "You need to go in there. You can't hide from this. Sit with him. Tell him you didn't mean it. That you're sorry."

"What if he doesn't wake up?" she asked in a broken voice.

She shrugged.

"You just have to believe that he will."

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She couldn't decide if she should sit or stand. Eventually, she ended up pacing the room, one finger thrust into her mouth as she gnawed at the nail. At every turn, she would steal a glance at Ryan, but that would only bring fresh tears to her eyes. He was so pale that sometimes the only thing that convinced her he was still alive was the beeping of the heart monitor.

"I'm sorry," she finally said, pulling her finger out of her mouth and taking a seat next to him. She took one of his hands in hers and clutched it tightly. "Please, Ryan. You have to wake up. I don't want to be my last words to you to be angry. You need to wake up so that I can apologize. So that I can tell you that I forgive you." She kissed the back of his hand. "Please, Ryan…" she whispered.

"Natalia?"

Her eyes snapped open at the sound of his voice, shocked to see him staring back up at her, a frown on his face.

"Ryan?"

"What's going on?" he whispered, trying to get his bearings.

She stood up abruptly, dropping his hand.

"I'll go get Eric and Calleigh," she said, turning her back on him and heading toward the door.

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"Hey," Eric said softly as he and Calleigh entered the room.

"Hey…what the hell is going on?"

"You don't remember?" Calleigh asked, coming to sit on the side of his bed.

Ryan frowned. "I remember going down to the harbor. I was hired to follow some kid…his parents were worried that he was involved in drug dealing. But when I got to the warehouse, there was nobody inside. I turned to go and then…I don't know. I woke up here."

"You were shot," she said gently. "The bullet entered your head."

"Am I…am I going to be okay?"

Eric smiled. "Yeah, you got off lucky, you bastard. Doctor told us that if you woke up, you'd most likely make a full recovery."

"If I woke up?"

"That was the part they weren't too sure of."

He nodded, and Calleigh gripped his hand.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Got a headache."

"Ha ha," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Was…was Natalia here?" he asked.

"Yeah," Calleigh answered. "She was so worried about you, Ryan."

"But she still hates me."

"No."

"She left as soon as I woke up. She couldn't get away from me fast enough."

"She was scared," Eric interjected. "She felt guilty about the things she said to you. About slapping you. I think she was afraid of what you'd say when you woke up."

"I just want to apologize to her," he said quietly.

"I'll go get her," Eric offered. "Bring her back."

Ryan's hand shot out and grabbed his friend's arm.

"Don't force her, Eric. If she doesn't want to come…I understand if she still hates me."

"She'll come," he said gently.

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"You need to go back in there, Natalia," Eric said as he took a seat across from her. He had searched all over the hospital for her, finally finding her in the cafeteria, a coffee sitting in front of her.

"I can't."

"You keep saying that. But it's a bunch of bull. You're just scared."

"I said awful things to him, Eric. I can't blame him for being mad –"

"He's not mad. He thinks you still hate him."

"I don't know what I feel," she said quietly.

"That's a lie, and you know it," he said firmly. "Look, Natalia, I understand why you were so upset with him. He hurt you. He did something stupid and he hurt you. But he wants to apologize. He wants to make it up to you. You're upset because your last words to him were so hurtful…here's your chance to make it right." She just continued to look down at the coffee in her hands, and Eric sighed. "Do you know what love is?" he asked suddenly.

"Excuse me?"

"Love is giving somebody the power to hurt you more than anybody else…and then trusting them not to. Ryan made a mistake. You made a mistake. You both hurt each other. You're a fool if you walk away now."

"Is it that obvious?"

"What?"

"How I feel about him…is it that obvious?"

"Only to everybody except him."

She nodded, biting her bottom lip.

"Okay," she finally said. "I'll go."

Eric smiled. "Good." Standing up, he reached out a hand to her. "Let's go."

"You don't have to walk me there," she said as she rose to her feet.

"Just making sure you don't run away again."

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"You have another visitor," Eric said as he stuck his head back into the room.

Ryan swallowed hard. "Natalia?"

His friend nodded, a huge smile on his face. Then he turned to Calleigh.

"You wanna get something to eat?"

"I think that sounds like a wonderful plan." Standing up, she leaned over and kissed Ryan on the cheek. "I'm so glad you're okay," she whispered. "Now don't screw this up again."

"Yes ma'am."

He watched his friends walk out, his stomach filled with butterflies as he saw Natalia come in after, shutting the door behind her. For a minute she just stood there, staring at him. He returned her gaze, willing her to stay. Then she gave him a small smile and walked over to him, taking a seat in the chair that was next to the bed.

"Hey," she said quietly.

"Hey."

Hesitating slightly, she took his hand in hers and rubbed her thumb over his knuckles.

"How are you feeling?"

"Nervous."

She laughed a little at that.

"Me too."

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I never meant to hurt you. I didn't even think about it."

Natalia nodded, looking down at their hands.

"So you're saying you're just stupid instead of evil?"

He smiled. "Yes." His grin faded, though, when he saw tears escape her eyes and slide down her cheeks. "Hey. What's the matter?" She shook her head, the tears falling faster. "Come here," he said quietly.

"What?"

He shifted over to one side of the bed, wincing slightly before patting the space next to him.

"Come here," he repeated.

Natalia gently climbed up onto the bed, still unsure of what to do. Ryan pulled her down slowly, nestling her into his side so that she could lay her head on his chest. Then he wrapped an arm around her and took one of her hands in his.

"Talk to me," he said quietly.

"I thought…" She swallowed, trying to steady her voice. "I thought you were going to die. And all I could think was that the last words I said to you were in anger. All I could see was the look in your eyes when I slapped you. I didn't want that to be your last memory of me."

"It wouldn't have been."

She frowned and picked her head up to look at him.

"What do you mean?"

He shrugged. "I have plenty of good memories of you. I just would have chosen one of those. I wasn't mad at you, Natalia. I deserved it."

"I was only mad because I was hurt," she said quietly.

"Can I fix this?" he asked. "Can I fix us?"

She frowned in thought, and the panic rose in Ryan's chest. He was just about to open his mouth to beg when Natalia leaned in suddenly, pressing her lips against his. He kissed her back automatically, pulling her closer and tangling one of his hands in her long hair. Nipping lightly at her bottom lip, he coaxed her mouth open and slid his tongue in, moaning at the contact. Eventually, they pulled away, Natalia leaning her forehead against his.

"I think you already have," she said quietly.


End file.
